Sacrificial lamb

I woke up this morning still tired and decided to stop fighting the potentially inevitable. So much of my energy has been routed into spinning my tires against what I dread could happen. So much of my focus is spent on ensuring it won’t. It’s a fool’s errand, it would happen anyway and I will have depleted myself. It’s too unsustainable a way to live. … Continue reading Sacrificial lamb

The lost piece

There is a balance in this world that is deeper than the penetration of the eye, works to the last hour of the day, can thrive in all the places the sun doesn’t reach, continues to the very boundaries of the earth; where the wind suddenly stops and where the Moon beams cannot penetrate. It glows in all the darkest places, exists in all the … Continue reading The lost piece

timing.

Timing is the beastly thing I wage fruitlessly against. It isn’t my tired bones. The words I speak too quietly. Your arrivals that I don’t adequately celebrate. It isn’t the moments when I can’t show up fully. It’s the ones that follow. It’s the goodbyes whose towering silhouettes blot out the sun. It’s the singularity that’s left in front of me, lightless and unendingly calling. … Continue reading timing.

saplings

Are we ever more than the smallest thing we ever were? Now that I’m grown, I wonder: Will there ever be a day when I’ve moved past the stunted sapling I once was, or will my thoughts stay rooted in this place where I was planted? Do we, in light of the grand and beautiful things we collect throughout our lifetimes, ever cease to gaze … Continue reading saplings

big love

I do these quiet hunts, like a nimble arctic fox through a snow bank, looking for the source of the quaking. This well of hurt that shakes my perfectly average days and floods doubt through the extraordinary ones. I think it must not be January. I was just born then. Still new to this peak I’d hiked. I didn’t care much for the advances of … Continue reading big love

This will be.

I am allowing myself to be free of the pain. I’ve been standing in a cell with an open door and today I am walking out. I am allowing myself to feel secure in my future. The only things I find disquiet in are silences and imagined irrealities. I am giving myself permission to buy into what I see instead of making contingencies for what … Continue reading This will be.

faith

trust, like grace, tests my limits of its understanding. it’s not that I don’t trust in faithfulness, in spoken word, in the intentions of the heart. it’s that I didn’t know there was something more, a caveat. i must trust in the longevity of it all. that the nature of what i trust isn’t fickle and contingent. that the uninviting dregs of sleep don’t divert … Continue reading faith