Where do you go when you’re gone? I never know, only that you’ve left. It’s in these moments that I realize how I feed from your light, the days when you’re warm and doting glow ethereal in my mind. It’s only once it’s tucked away, a meager few rays spared, that I know how cold I can get. That I know how much I rely … Continue reading Come out, you’re hiding

It’s unnervingly still. The air hangs quietly, the gaps of my inactivity punctuated. But the room is full. The ghosts of my made decisions visiting idly in bone-chilling proximity with the phantoms of my past fears. New ones enter wordlessly and take their place in my overcapacity apartment. Somehow, in the absence of anyone else, I find myself in a crowded room. Clinging desperately to … Continue reading a frailty i did not intend

It’s the proximity I celebrate. The nearness to the flames singeing my supple flesh. I delight when it’s stoked by a wind I don’t anticipate. It’s a free-falling, middle of the night realization. It’s not if but when. A train arriving into a station I’d contented myself not to see. It’s the precipice of forever, and I’m standing with trust and open arms. But I … Continue reading otherness

I can know the truth in your words and they can still bring me sadness. I can understand the steps that brought you to this place and the destination can still confound me. I can find a grace that opens the windows on this sweltering moment and I can still feel defeated in the next. I can accept a resolve and still waver from it … Continue reading fool

Have you ever thought about how spectacularly misconceived it is that another can love you? How humorlessly funny it is that it is possible at all? Here I am being perfectly boring, existing quite unremarkably. In the shirt I woke up in, that ill-mannered slurp of my coffee, yellow-hued coming off day six of a bad cold. And you make love to me in the … Continue reading synapses

I don’t dance as much as I used to. Bare floors go unswept, red hairs unwashed. I don’t keep the company of good habits I rode through marshlands with. I snuck quietly and without drama away from the person I thought was cast in clay. In truth, I’ve lost touch with the person I used to be. I send her postcards from time to time, … Continue reading transfigurement

I’d lay on the beach in my finest silks next to you. In a ball gown. In a wedding dress. I’d bake, just like I did, in my black designer skirt again if only just to see the scant cornflower between your fingers as you shield my naked eyes from the sun. The oversaturated red edges of your skin obscuring the clouds. From this cocoon … Continue reading So much better

Yesterday my second collection of poetry and prose was published. Crossroads is available now and you can find it here. In more ways than not, my life is different now. Different from when Fool’s Gold found its way into the world earlier this year, different from the time I opened this blog, so different from this time last summer it’s dizzying. In 2021 alone, my … Continue reading Crossroads

Once I was something resembling balance. Well fed and well kept, ruled by frivolous rules and order. But that’s long since not been true. Now I’m a stray, getting closer and closer to feral. I’m not sure which roof I’ll find myself under, when I’ll taste my first food of day. Only in sleep do I resemble the thing I once was. But everything else … Continue reading stray

Perhaps the one thing the great poets failed to teach me about love is how often it feels like treachery. That my choices can be so rooted in my heart that their tendrils wrap through my arteries. That they tug them to and fro as they make their way out into the world. That as I try to terraform the life I deeply crave, the … Continue reading treason and surrender