I’ve never been a recognizable person. The baby pictures don’t match the little girl, who resembles nothing of the teenager, and the adult that emerged doesn’t look in any way related to the rest of them. Some people have a ley line through their lives. They’ve always looked like their families and they’ve always looked like themselves, and I’ve always been a person – it … Continue reading 28


Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley was my chorus after I left. It was the relentless chant in my mind before I did. Maybe there’s more. Maybe some people don’t feel confined to small rooms. Maybe some people aren’t scared in their own homes. Maybe some people don’t wake up with a racing heart. Maybe some people listen to the screaming of their souls. Maybe I’m … Continue reading Loops

there is a way to everything you want

I don’t remember when I got the fortune. I don’t remember the meal that precipitated it. I barely remember that moment in time. But I always kept my fortunes, even if they were laughably disenchanting. This one was perfect in its simplicity and its absolution: There is a way to everything you want. It was sitting loosely on my fridge when you first saw it. … Continue reading there is a way to everything you want

this is how i see.

I’m coming to understand that some of these things that I thought could be massaged out of me like knotted muscles are not so easily untangled. They’re not errant feelings that require fixing, they are the essence of me. This is the way that I am. I see things in this complicated, thorough, melancholic, profound lens that can be so guttural, so jagged, I only … Continue reading this is how i see.


Dear mother, I know I’m not taking care of myself. I know wine is no dinner and the morning is no bedtime. I know I grant an allotment to my fear and my trivial quandaries. Ultimately, I know I’m the one that waters them. I know I allow their poison to seep into my bloodstream. I know that my time is far too precious to … Continue reading 3/18