Have you ever thought about how spectacularly misconceived it is that another can love you? How humorlessly funny it is that it is possible at all? Here I am being perfectly boring, existing quite unremarkably. In the shirt I woke up in, that ill-mannered slurp of my coffee, yellow-hued coming off day six of a bad cold. And you make love to me in the … Continue reading synapses

I don’t dance as much as I used to. Bare floors go unswept, red hairs unwashed. I don’t keep the company of good habits I rode through marshlands with. I snuck quietly and without drama away from the person I thought was cast in clay. In truth, I’ve lost touch with the person I used to be. I send her postcards from time to time, … Continue reading transfigurement

I’d lay on the beach in my finest silks next to you. In a ball gown. In a wedding dress. I’d bake, just like I did, in my black designer skirt again if only just to see the scant cornflower between your fingers as you shield my naked eyes from the sun. The oversaturated red edges of your skin obscuring the clouds. From this cocoon … Continue reading So much better

Yesterday my second collection of poetry and prose was published. Crossroads is available now and you can find it here. In more ways than not, my life is different now. Different from when Fool’s Gold found its way into the world earlier this year, different from the time I opened this blog, so different from this time last summer it’s dizzying. In 2021 alone, my … Continue reading Crossroads

Once I was something resembling balance. Well fed and well kept, ruled by frivolous rules and order. But that’s long since not been true. Now I’m a stray, getting closer and closer to feral. I’m not sure which roof I’ll find myself under, when I’ll taste my first food of day. Only in sleep do I resemble the thing I once was. But everything else … Continue reading stray

Perhaps the one thing the great poets failed to teach me about love is how often it feels like treachery. That my choices can be so rooted in my heart that their tendrils wrap through my arteries. That they tug them to and fro as they make their way out into the world. That as I try to terraform the life I deeply crave, the … Continue reading treason and surrender

Tell me you’ll forgive me. Tell me you won’t spend the rest of your life wondering where I am. Tell me you won’t even miss me. That the best I could do was good enough.  Tell me that I made the right choice. That you’re happy and you’re loved and you want for nothing. Tell me I can forgive myself. Tell me that I shouldn’t … Continue reading the moment i knew

Not that long ago, I wrote the words “how can I make a choice that devastates me?” What a concept, a species so hellbent on self preservation making decisions that feel like little deaths. In these pockets of life when we can stay the same, we want for more. We leave comfortable places for treacherous roads in the hope that they lead somewhere even more … Continue reading the seven year eclipse

The balance of the world is a cool breeze on a day of cruel sun as much as it’s the chilling fingers of worriment after a warm moment. How endlessly we want to shrug them off. How completely we want to be suffocated in the humid air. But what would it be without its counterpart? The world would live in 2D without the contrast that … Continue reading sometime in april

Regrets are senseless. Forethoughts I couldn’t possibly have. Wisdom I can’t have yet learned. All I know is what I feel right now, all I can act on are the urges of my gut feelings, compelled forward by what I know is true and what seems to be right. All I know right now is that I would’ve rather slept next to you last night … Continue reading questions without answers