sometime in april

The balance of the world is a cool breeze on a day of cruel sun as much as it’s the chilling fingers of worriment after a warm moment. How endlessly we want to shrug them off. How completely we want to be suffocated in the humid air. But what would it be without its counterpart? The world would live in 2D without the contrast that we so easily criticize.

I wish that there were never holes in the road, never hitches in the wind, never unexpected turbulence. But even if a sapling needs sun to live, it also needs shade not to die. This is true of all burgeoning things that find their roots in our Earth. I feel woe planting its whispered neuroses in my ear even as I’m tucked tightly into a moment easily defined as perfection.

But if I wasn’t so apprehensive for the moment to end, perhaps I wouldn’t have basked in it so completely. Maybe if I wasn’t hoping so deeply for the certainty of the future, I might not have known how fortunate I was for the present. Maybe there is still a safety in that unpredictability.

originally authored april 7, 2021

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