There are still 2 more months for me to be 29. So this reflection on being is potentially premature. But there are only a couple more days left to be in 2023–and besides, I have a feeling that I’ll have something entirely new to say by February. 2023 eclipses 2020 as the year that required the most work. A different kind of work, anyhow–less scaffolding, … Continue reading the spendthrift

From July 7, 2023 His name was Tambi. I’m not sure if that’s the name you had for him in the first few months of his life or if that’s the name the shelter gave him in the scant few hours he was there. But if you recognize his name from the calls of it throughout your house or from the photoless listing on the … Continue reading to the family who surrendered my dog

The time lapse didn’t go through. The phone died on the end table where it was perched upon a patio chair. For now, and for ever, the shadows of the clouds upon the craggy peaks will only ever live in my mind. Their supple bodies hovering not so distantly over the leathery faces of Turtleback Mountain. Each one of these little darlings holds a storm. … Continue reading Truth, or consequences

There was Rebecca, and Stephanie, and the blonde—what was her name? We were sitting there outside Le Politique on a cool Spring day sharing a bottle of rosé with you, Lucy. Rebecca was oft too hungover to dance, it’s no wonder she abdicated without further grandeur to greener pastures on her Sunday afternoons. Stephanie had her baby, and then another, life got full. The blonde—what … Continue reading A vision of a chartreuse Spring

I don’t know what it was about today that inspired me to press send, to write the message I’d crafted fragments of for weeks. I noticed when the emails stopped, don’t think I didn’t. I know I’ve been a poor correspondent. Perhaps it’s all this god damned growth. This year’s lengthy list of demands so that I may pass freely out the other side. 29 … Continue reading Retirement

Do you ever want to disappear? You, reader. Warm blooded human I’ve never met. Do you ever reach impasses in the road where it might just feel easier to quickly and quietly dissolve into the ether? Do you ever feel the cartilage that separates the ideal from the reality rubbing against your new skin? Doesn’t it sometimes just feel worthwhile to cut it out completely? … Continue reading thoughts i had some months ago, i believe accompanied with wine

I’ve never been a recognizable person. The baby pictures don’t match the little girl, who resembles nothing of the teenager, and the adult that emerged doesn’t look in any way related to the rest of them. Some people have a ley line through their lives. They’ve always looked like their families and they’ve always looked like themselves, and I’ve always been a person – it … Continue reading 28

In 2022, I lived in 3 different places. I had 3 jobs, 2 cars, 2 moves. I traveled to 2 new countries and 3 new states. Twos and threes. 2022 was by no means the hardest year of my life. 2021 covets that distinction. But it might have been the busiest. In 2022, I was a weightless thing that got lost in the slip stream … Continue reading Twos and threes

I recognize that the channels of life narrow, at times, like all things do. I know that the ones my waters haven’t yet flown down will hurt, the sides are jagged and new and unpolished. I greet my sadness in these closed quarters like an old war buddy. “This again,” we’ll laugh to ourselves. Too often has my gloom been a better ally than those … Continue reading The cork in my throat

Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley was my chorus after I left. It was the relentless chant in my mind before I did. Maybe there’s more. Maybe some people don’t feel confined to small rooms. Maybe some people aren’t scared in their own homes. Maybe some people don’t wake up with a racing heart. Maybe some people listen to the screaming of their souls. Maybe I’m … Continue reading Loops