I squirm inside the notion of imperfectly showing up for those whom I need. Banking on their love, the ever-moving embankment of grace; perhaps they don’t stick around for my little favors, maybe it’s enough that I show up at all. What an alien concept, a strange and simple idea. My life pulled tight and thin like canvas over a plethora of things to which … Continue reading Crossroads

2021 is the tailwinds of all that I sowed. And it’s threatening to surpass 2020 all together. Hear me out. It’s not that it wasn’t a difficult year for me. I was scared and displaced. I was tested and uprooted. There were times when I was relentlessly angry and I didn’t know when that anger would subside (an unusual feeling for me and I’m glad … Continue reading 2020 was the best year of my life

I’m sitting on the counter on a Monday night. A cold glass of rosé to my right as the pasta boils on the stove. Let Down by Michigander resonates off the white walls I seldom occupy. This is where we fell in love; somewhere between the second verse and the chorus. Somewhere between pine trees and nightfall. Somewhere between here and Roswell. The passenger seat … Continue reading i’m busy for the rest of my life

My life feels almost perfect, even in all the ways it still fractures and bends. Little cracks could stand to be filled and loose ends will always be better tied. But even with these live wires exposed to the perfect storm of my world, I feel like I’m standing in the eye for the first time. You watch as the others around you seem to … Continue reading open invitations

We walk through the world trying to find avenues to sum everything up. But the truth is that everyone we pass lives wildly complicated lives. The brevity of their passage along ours colors the moment with a mere glimpse at the complex congeries that ail and inspire them. There is no one that you’ve met who was static. Dismiss them as you may, every person … Continue reading complicated people

I wonder how many things you say that you think are stupid but make me smile. I wonder how many times you chide yourself in your head while I’m smiling along to the luminous hum of your presence. I wonder how often you try to find some perceived twinge in my smiles. I wonder how often you wonder if I am anything less than joyous … Continue reading wildflowers

In moments when the wind stops blowing, I wonder; have I always been this fickle? Has the world always been so black and white for me? Had I always expected to be fanned by a cool breeze? It was me – was it not? – that used to voraciously crave the feeling of ruthless sun rays assailing my porcelain skin. It was me – at … Continue reading Shades of divinity

So much of the world is easy perfection if you’re willing to bypass your humanity. If you forego the ritual picking apart of the things that you said and the faces you made, far too much of the world is sheer bliss. We’re so used to fixating a looking glass at our own mortal flaws, we can’t consume the reality of the irony in it. … Continue reading Night thoughts

How fortunate am I to adore something so completely it makes me ache. To feel sore from using the muscles of my heart so entirely. How rapturing to want so certainly a future full of this that I’m almost afraid to look. How desperately lucky am I to care so profoundly it eats me alive. This is what is most true and most worthwhile. I … Continue reading So fortunate

We only see pinpricks. Distasteful, inconsequential blips in the bigger picture. There’s a big wide world outside of what we hone in on. We’re practically up to our ears in possibilities outside of the one that transfixes us. Rosebuds peer above our downtrodden heads, and still our eyes droop to the thorns. The sky glows cornflower in a unflecked brilliance but our gaze casts to … Continue reading Blackberry winter