Once I was something resembling balance. Well fed and well kept, ruled by frivolous rules and order. But that’s long since not been true. Now I’m a stray, getting closer and closer to feral. I’m not sure which roof I’ll find myself under, when I’ll taste my first food of day. Only in sleep do I resemble the thing I once was. But everything else … Continue reading stray

Perhaps the one thing the great poets failed to teach me about love is how often it feels like treachery. That my choices can be so rooted in my heart that their tendrils wrap through my arteries. That they tug them to and fro as they make their way out into the world. That as I try to terraform the life I deeply crave, the … Continue reading treason and surrender

Tell me you’ll forgive me. Tell me you won’t spend the rest of your life wondering where I am. Tell me you won’t even miss me. That the best I could do was good enough.  Tell me that I made the right choice. That you’re happy and you’re loved and you want for nothing. Tell me I can forgive myself. Tell me that I shouldn’t … Continue reading the moment i knew

Not that long ago, I wrote the words “how can I make a choice that devastates me?” What a concept, a species so hellbent on self preservation making decisions that feel like little deaths. In these pockets of life when we can stay the same, we want for more. We leave comfortable places for treacherous roads in the hope that they lead somewhere even more … Continue reading the seven year eclipse

The balance of the world is a cool breeze on a day of cruel sun as much as it’s the chilling fingers of worriment after a warm moment. How endlessly we want to shrug them off. How completely we want to be suffocated in the humid air. But what would it be without its counterpart? The world would live in 2D without the contrast that … Continue reading sometime in april

Regrets are senseless. Forethoughts I couldn’t possibly have. Wisdom I can’t have yet learned. All I know is what I feel right now, all I can act on are the urges of my gut feelings, compelled forward by what I know is true and what seems to be right. All I know right now is that I would’ve rather slept next to you last night … Continue reading questions without answers

No. No you may not. The very nature of your question includes the answer. Unsolicited. You knew before you began that I wasn’t seeking your counsel. What comes next is not an effort in my best interest, it is a pageant of self-righteousness. It’s the selfish unloading of a personal opinion rooted neither in context nor in fact. Every day, I am appalled by the … Continue reading May I offer you some unsolicited advice?

The little sacrifices we make for the lives that we want. Our paths are littered with just as many bodies as they are rose petals. Some days I sound the trumpet in triumph and other days I close the blinds in dismay. Perhaps the answers we claw for aren’t the meaning of life or the cure for death, it’s the way off this wheel of … Continue reading the ledger

Isn’t that what they say, at least? I tell that to my pounding heart, my flighty stomach. I tell that to the weepy eyes, my bloody nose. It hadn’t quite hit me, this choice that I made, until I saw you waiting in the window for me to come home. Your warm body wedged next to mine in bed, little vibrating rib cage. Your cool … Continue reading the right choices are sometimes the hardest

I squirm inside the notion of imperfectly showing up for those whom I need. Banking on their love, the ever-moving embankment of grace; perhaps they don’t stick around for my little favors, maybe it’s enough that I show up at all. What an alien concept, a strange and simple idea. My life pulled tight and thin like canvas over a plethora of things to which … Continue reading Crossroads