This will be.

I am allowing myself to be free of the pain. I’ve been standing in a cell with an open door and today I am walking out.

I am allowing myself to feel secure in my future. The only things I find disquiet in are silences and imagined irrealities. I am giving myself permission to buy into what I see instead of making contingencies for what I cannot.

I have everything I ever wanted. My life isn’t perfect but it’s sublime. And I curse every moment I have spent denying its power. Every insecurity, creeping feeling, fear-based doubt that stole me from the totality of it. 

I am separating myself from the place that maimed me. So far away it is now, it’s inconsequential. I am withdrawing the stock I’ve put in unlikely possibilities. I refuse to continue cashing in bad pennies and asking questions that aren’t worth answering. I no longer have the energy to expel to phantom scenarios and pointless trivialities. 

What a fool I’ve been to bend to them for as long as I have. I have the loveliest thing in the world right here in front of me. So tailor made for my heart it’s as if it is divinely so. And I have let the ghoulish whispers of my fear and the cavernous places of my heart stop me from indulging in it fully. No longer.

The fear isn’t going away, but I will do this afraid. I won’t entertain bad guests anymore, I am living fully in the intention of the way I’m walking. I won’t stumble over deviously placed things or be led astray by shadows. I will continue without diversion towards this thing that I have, this thing that I know. I will walk entirely in the light of truth and accept nothing else as fact. From this day forth, I will believe in no other future for myself than the one I am afraid to lose, the one I ruefully undermined. There is no other option. This will be.

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