Overnight our lives transform while we slumber in obscurity. Why? Because in a one final desperate exaltation of energy before the day closed, we called out one more time into the void. And someone answered. There are worlds behind the locked doors we never knock on and we’ll never see them when we go looking for one that’s already ajar. I don’t know why it … Continue reading Fruitless efforts and bountiful harvests

All the pieces of who I am, an at times unharmonious symbiosis of nostalgic ache that undulates into caverns of my beings I didn’t know flowed so deeply and frictioned forward motion towards dreams that feel like looming emerald towers. The way forward feels like a slog, an untiring march through knee high waters in a bog land that shades the sun. I am sustained … Continue reading The heron and the bog

Change, no matter how premeditated or desired, is always unsettling. Watching the sun go down on the last day of life as you knew it. It used to seem so simple. Things were here and then they weren’t. Decisions were made and weren’t sweated. We hadn’t yet developed enough neuroses to understand the complexities that intermingled as we dabbled in our lives.  And yet it … Continue reading When the wind switches

Nobody senses you outside their home, quivering in the evening air. If someone were to see you hovering outside, it’s unlikely they’d deign to ask if you’d like to come inside. Perhaps there is no one out there closing doors and opening windows. No magical force that is feeding you through rooms like a lab rat and pulling the levers to lead you along. Perhaps … Continue reading Perhaps you have to knock

Everyone believes in magic. For some people, money is magic and the more they have, the more their lives feel like a fairytale. For others, it’s lust. They simply can’t summon enough sparks in the world to satisfy their taste for that feeling, the one at the beginning when nothing in the world is the matter.  For me, it’s fireflies among the trees at twilight … Continue reading Magic is a faceted gem

When someone tells you to have a nice life, do it. Don’t get insulted, don’t chafe against it, don’t attach any negative thoughts to it whatsoever. Do it. Go out into the world, beyond the hostility of their murky atmosphere, and have a nice life.  Enjoy your sovereignty from the confines of anger. Breathe the free air of a world not governed by grudges. Feel … Continue reading Have a nice life

Some days you hit every red light, every traffic jam. Your power goes out and pest control doesn’t come and the hornets have commandeered the patio. Some days your mailbox gets jammed, you didn’t get the memo, someone steals your parking spot. Your boss gives you his work too, the odds are stacked against you, you messed up the punchline. But some days, your credit … Continue reading It’s all the same to me

Letting go of the things that aren’t meant for you is so unnatural to humans perhaps because we have a complex inside of us that tells us that we are meant for everything. Every cell of the human body is propelled forward with reckless abandon under the impression that no situation leads to an ending. It is simply a delta that routes up back to … Continue reading The mustang and the freight train

We’re so entrenched in our little moments we hardly notice the rains come. They fall and they fall and we register them only vaguely as they place delicate kisses at the tips of our noses.  We hardly notice the petals of the crepe myrtle littering the ground like summer’s little sacrifices. Drowned in small pools like the bugs of yore preserved in amber.  Warmth still … Continue reading September brought the rains

Take a good look at the hills you’re willing to die on. Are they grand, craggy peaks that the wind whips around, stunning sprawling vistas down below? Or are they ant hills – with hidden tunnels that shelter stinging things just below the surface?  There are many moments in our lives when we are called to something but in so few of them do we … Continue reading The hills we die on