I am allowing myself to be free of the pain. I’ve been standing in a cell with an open door and today I am walking out. I am allowing myself to feel secure in my future. The only things I find disquiet in are silences and imagined irrealities. I am giving myself permission to buy into what I see instead of making contingencies for what … Continue reading This will be.

These little pleas we extend to depression. Deals with our devil. I’m still here. But I’m not at the forefront of this vessel. I can’t stop the tears, I can’t reason with my logic. An anchor to my chest binds me to this place in the dark recesses of my being and depression steers. I can see where we’re walking and I know what I … Continue reading i will sit with you in the dark

trust, like grace, tests my limits of its understanding. it’s not that I don’t trust in faithfulness, in spoken word, in the intentions of the heart. it’s that I didn’t know there was something more, a caveat. i must trust in the longevity of it all. that the nature of what i trust isn’t fickle and contingent. that the uninviting dregs of sleep don’t divert … Continue reading faith

Where do you go when you’re gone? I never know, only that you’ve left. It’s in these moments that I realize how I feed from your light, the days when you’re warm and doting glow ethereal in my mind. It’s only once it’s tucked away, a meager few rays spared, that I know how cold I can get. That I know how much I rely … Continue reading Come out, you’re hiding

It’s unnervingly still. The air hangs quietly, the gaps of my inactivity punctuated. But the room is full. The ghosts of my made decisions visiting idly in bone-chilling proximity with the phantoms of my past fears. New ones enter wordlessly and take their place in my overcapacity apartment. Somehow, in the absence of anyone else, I find myself in a crowded room. Clinging desperately to … Continue reading a frailty i did not intend

It’s the proximity I celebrate. The nearness to the flames singeing my supple flesh. I delight when it’s stoked by a wind I don’t anticipate. It’s a free-falling, middle of the night realization. It’s not if but when. A train arriving into a station I’d contented myself not to see. It’s the precipice of forever, and I’m standing with trust and open arms. But I … Continue reading otherness

I can know the truth in your words and they can still bring me sadness. I can understand the steps that brought you to this place and the destination can still confound me. I can find a grace that opens the windows on this sweltering moment and I can still feel defeated in the next. I can accept a resolve and still waver from it … Continue reading fool

Have you ever thought about how spectacularly misconceived it is that another can love you? How humorlessly funny it is that it is possible at all? Here I am being perfectly boring, existing quite unremarkably. In the shirt I woke up in, that ill-mannered slurp of my coffee, yellow-hued coming off day six of a bad cold. And you make love to me in the … Continue reading synapses

I don’t dance as much as I used to. Bare floors go unswept, red hairs unwashed. I don’t keep the company of good habits I rode through marshlands with. I snuck quietly and without drama away from the person I thought was cast in clay. In truth, I’ve lost touch with the person I used to be. I send her postcards from time to time, … Continue reading transfigurement

I’d lay on the beach in my finest silks next to you. In a ball gown. In a wedding dress. I’d bake, just like I did, in my black designer skirt again if only just to see the scant cornflower between your fingers as you shield my naked eyes from the sun. The oversaturated red edges of your skin obscuring the clouds. From this cocoon … Continue reading So much better