There’s a strange comfort in worry. It gives you someone to sit with. It may be a grim company you keep, but at least you don’t have to be alone with your unease. It’s a funny thing, how we have our wires crossed. We’re programmed to seek out balance and contentedness, but when our minds feel an itch we can’t ignore it, we must scratch. … Continue reading Like a bad penny

I wonder what questions are not worth answering. What is the boundary that separates human pondering from wise to maniacal? When does our reading into the source code of things become pedantic? When does “everything happens for a reason” betray itself to coincidence? I find peace in the unpredictability of life by finding lessons in it. Little happenstances that center me back on a course … Continue reading Wisdom in acceptance

And so I stood there as the leaves fell. It’s December and the trees are finally retiring to a flaxen yellow. A cold front is moving through, ushering us from the placid seventies we’ve enjoyed since Halloween. The wind kicks at the piles that have fallen to send them spinning and shakes the trees with a certain devilishness. It lashes at me from behind my … Continue reading Confirmation bias

I said the words today. “This is the happiest I’ve ever been”. And I had to write them down. Oh, what a mess I’ve made. The past six months have been battle after bloody battle. Brick walls slammed in my path, candles dimming all around me, finding myself quite alone. The months before that were a silent battle. Gag orders issued against my gut, hopeful … Continue reading the happiest I’ve ever been

What else is there to say besides there is merit in still standing. Some people may have tapped out a lot sooner, many may not have even tried at all. But the only way to here is through. You’re now standing where many cannot reach. Because when your life was an echo chamber of “No”s, you believed you could hear a yes. Because you had … Continue reading all that is intended for me

You can’t build a solid foundation upon chips on shoulders. Unhealed fractures of ego that never sit quite still. They shift like rock slides as the world jostles you around. Everything tumbles down and there you go again, trying to pile it all back on those tired chips. Imagine waking up one day to find that everything you have is folly. Driven not by heart … Continue reading Hindsight

Accept fragility. Don’t strain to confine what will spill forth anyway. Don’t summon reserve courage to save face in the light of worthless expectations. There are moments to be strong, to muscle forth despite good sense. And there are moments when it becomes unnecessary posturing. Under a crescent moon, in a warmly lit courtyard, with only the night as host, let it be too much. … Continue reading Little fissures

Perhaps there are no coincidences in life. Maybe everything happens for some divine reason. Who am I to presume to know? All I know is that the edges of my experience meet neatly up with the corners of the next. Somehow the anniversaries of my life occur at the same times as the exorcisms. The universe continues to manage to make every new thing poignantly … Continue reading Serendipity

It’s been a while since we spoke, you and I, like this. At most you get a mere outline of me everyday. The haunting thoughts I put to bed before I can sleep each night. They unite to form a tapestry of strife, hope, faithfulness, and exhaustion. It’s one I’m sure we’ve all found ourselves spinning this year. No one has been spared the cruel … Continue reading The Harvest

I don’t mind the passing comments of those whose days have never whiled with mine. I don’t have any regard for the words of people for whom I am at best a vague outline. I make certain not to waste time on the opinions of people I had to evict from my life. In the end, there are so very few people whose commentary warrants … Continue reading Pitter patter